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8 Reasons Why Men Die Before Women

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WHY MEN DIE BEFORE WOMEN

It’s not because they want to!!

 why men die

men die early

men die before women

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dengerous job situations

dangerous work hazards

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car repair lift

See Also-  3 Stupid Stages Of Life

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Short Lawyer Jokes – from Disorder in the American Courts Book

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funny lawyer jokesThese funny lawyer jokes are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

 

LAWYER: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’

LAWYER: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan

_______________________________

LAWYER: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

____________________________________________

LAWYER: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there..

____________________________________________

LAWYER: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

LAWYER: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

_____________________________________

LAWYER: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.

LAWYER: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.

_________________________________

LAWYER: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

LAWYER: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget..

LAWYER: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________

LAWYER: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

____________________________________

LAWYER: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.

___________________________________________

LAWYER: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

_________________________________________

LAWYER: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

LAWYER: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Getting laid

____________________________________________

LAWYER: She had three children , right?

WITNESS: Yes.

LAWYER: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

LAWYER: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different Attorney. Can I get a new Attorney?

____________________________________________

LAWYER: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death..

LAWYER: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

___________________________________________

LAWYER: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard

LAWYER: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.

_____________________________________

LAWYER: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________

LAWYER: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

_________________________________________

LAWYER: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral…

_________________________________________

LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM

LAWYER: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished..

____________________________________________

LAWYER: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________

And last:

LAWYER: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

LAWYER: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

LAWYER: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No..

LAWYER: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

LAWYER: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

LAWYER: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

George Davey

 

Update: Many people want to get there hands on a copy of the book these jokes were mentioned in and read all the other funny stories like this that happened in US courts. However our brief search didn’t turn up any book by the name mentioned in this funny email forward which were supposedly the source of these legal jests. However there are atleast 3 books on Amazon.com online bookstore that might be the source of these jokes.

If anyone knows that any of those books contain these jokes or you find the exact book called Disorder in the American Courts please leave a comment and let everyone know…

Thanks

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The Materialistic Lawyer

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A lawyer is sitting in his parked BMW when a tow truck crashes into the car. The crash takes car door clean off and the driver speeds away.

 

The lawyer immediately signals a cop and begins ranting about how much the damage to his car is going to cost.

The cop replies, “You lawyers are so materialistic. All you care about is money.”

 

The lawyer says, “How DARE you call me materialistic.”

 

The cop replies, “Well, you’ve been so concerned about your car that you didn’t notice that your arm is missing.”

 

The lawyer screams, “DAMMIT! My Rolex!”

 

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A Government Job Interview

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The same the world over ! 

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”

He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”

“Have you ever served in the military?”

“Yes,” he says, “I was in Iraq for two years.”

The interviewer says, “That will give you 5 extra points toward employment.”

Then he asks, “Are you disabled in any way?”

The guy says, “Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles.”

The interviewer grimaces and then says, “Okay. You’ve got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm.

You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day.”

The guy is puzzled and asks, “If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, why don’t you want me here until 10:00 am?”

“This is a government job,” the interviewer says. “For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.”

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