Why Nerd Win? Michael Jordan Vs Bill Gates Wealth

Michael Jordan’s Wealth

Michael Jordan having “retired,” with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not.If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.

If he goes to see a movie, it’ll cost him $7.00, but he’ll make $18,550 while he’s there.

If he decides to have a 5-minute egg, he’ll make $618 while boiling it.

He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage.

He’ll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.

If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.

If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.

He’ll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.

Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account (401k), his contributions will hit the federal cap of $9500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st.

If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you’d be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.

He’ll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics, and about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.

While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he’ll pull in about $5600.

This year, he’ll make more than twice as much as all past U.S. presidents for all of their terms combined. Amazing isn’t it?

However…
If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 450 years, he’ll still have less than Bill Gates has today.

$$$ Game over. Nerd wins.

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First Class, Second Class And No Class Students Jobs Later In Life

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TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE:

THE FIRST CLASS,THE SECOND CLASS

AND

THE NO CLASS

Most ‘First Class‘ students get technical seats, some become Doctors and some Engineers.

The ‘Second Class‘ pass, and then pass MBA, become Administrators and control the ‘First Class‘.

The ‘Third Class‘ pass, enter politics and become Ministers and control both.

Last, but not the least, The ‘Failures‘ join the underworld and control ALL the above.

Howz’ that ???

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Short Lawyer Jokes – from Disorder in the American Courts Book

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These funny lawyer jokes are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

LAWYER: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’

LAWYER: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan

_______________________________

LAWYER: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

____________________________________________

LAWYER: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there..

____________________________________________

LAWYER: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

LAWYER: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

_____________________________________

LAWYER: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.

LAWYER: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.

_________________________________

LAWYER: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

LAWYER: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget..

LAWYER: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________

LAWYER: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

____________________________________

LAWYER: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.

___________________________________________

LAWYER: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

_________________________________________

LAWYER: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

LAWYER: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Getting laid

____________________________________________

LAWYER: She had three children , right?

WITNESS: Yes.

LAWYER: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

LAWYER: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different Attorney. Can I get a new Attorney?

____________________________________________

LAWYER: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death..

LAWYER: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

___________________________________________

LAWYER: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard

LAWYER: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.

_____________________________________

LAWYER: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________

LAWYER: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

_________________________________________

LAWYER: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral…

_________________________________________

LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM

LAWYER: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished..

____________________________________________

LAWYER: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________

And last:

LAWYER: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

LAWYER: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

LAWYER: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No..

LAWYER: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

LAWYER: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

LAWYER: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

–

George Davey

Update: Many people want to get there hands on a copy of the book these jokes were mentioned in and read all the other funny stories like this that happened in US courts. However our brief search didn’t turn up any book by the name mentioned in this funny email forward which were supposedly the source of these legal jests. However there are atleast 3 books on Amazon.com online bookstore that might be the source of these jokes.

If anyone knows that any of those books contain these jokes or you find the exact book called Disorder in the American Courts please leave a comment and let everyone know…

Thanks

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Funny African Pictures Gallery – Only In Africa Funny Pictures

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Who need an Expensive iPod or Walkman

I just love Africa , simple and not complicated.

We are just who we are.
No stress.
I am proud to be African.

African Transportation – 1 – Toyota Co(w)rolla

Because Petrol is Expensive why not use a Cowrolla

Must be Zimbabwe ???

This vehicle was seen near Makerere , Zimbabwe

Listen – English is only a 2nd language !!!
You’ve got to make allowances.

African Transportation 2 – You are going to die before you even get to the Hospital

This was photographed in Buru Buru, Nairobi . Kenya

Hot water system. Home made

Transportation – 2 – pick-up truck !!!

These guys must have smoked weed!
Look at the goat.

Human ingenuity?
Painting the swimming pool.

‘Nuff said !!!

Please send on to anyone who loves Africa

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Company Christmas Bonus ~ Funny Christmas Email To Employees

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Company X’mas Bonus

An employee asks his boss:

“Where do I go to collect my Bonus for this year?”

His boss says: ……….
“Come here ……….. and have a look!”

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

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.

.

Visit www.interestingemails.com for more funny chain email forwards

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Simple Economics

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TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.

You retire on the income.

INDIAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

You sell one to overcome debts.

You worship the other.

PAKISTAN ECONOMICS

You don’t have any cows.

You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.

BRITISH ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

They are both mad cows.

ITALIAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

You don’t know where they are.

You break for lunch.

CHINESE ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone

reporting the actual numbers.

MIDDLE & FAR EAST ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

You give permission to US & British to make military bases & protect the cows.

They kill & eat the cows & return only the bones, saying it was a

mistake & promise to give two F16 fighter jets in return!

SRI LANKAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

You exchange them for two Bulls.

You make one the President and the other the Leader of the Opposition!

and they eat the country instead of eating grass.. !!

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Sly Anger Management Tip – How To Fix Some One

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I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had
forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered,
saying ‘Hello.’
I politely said, ‘This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn
Carter?’
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear
‘Get the right f***ing number!’ and the phone was slammed down on
me.

I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude.When I tracked down
Robyn ‘s correct number to call her, and after hanging up with her, I
decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled ‘You’re an asshole!’
and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word ‘asshole’ next to it, and put
it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad
day, I’d call him up and yell, ‘You’re an asshole!’

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my
therapeutic ‘asshole’ calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, ‘Hi, this is John Smith from the
telephone company, I’m calling to see if you’re familiar with our mobile Caller
ID Program?’

He yelled ‘NO!’and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, ‘That’s because you’re an
asshole!’ and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking
spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
patiently waited for.

I hit the horn and yelled that I’d been waiting for that spot, but
the idiot ignored me. I noticed a ‘For Sale ‘ sign in his back window, so
I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I
had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I’d better call the BMW
asshole, too.

I said, ‘Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?’
He said, ‘Yes, it is.’

I then asked, ‘Can you tell me where I can see it?’
He said as sweetly as he could,’Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd ,
in Fairfax . It’s a yellow ranch style house and the car’s parked right
out in front.’

I asked, ‘What’s your name?’ He said, ‘My name is Don Hansen,’
I asked, ‘When’s a good time to catch you, Don?’ He said, ‘I’m
home every evening after five.’

I said, ‘Listen, Don, can I tell you something?’ He said, ‘Yes, of
course you can?’

I said, ‘Don, you’re an asshole!’ Then I hung up, and added his
number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea…

I called asshole #1.He said,’Hello.’ I said,
‘You’re an asshole!’ (But I didn’t hang up.)
He asked, ‘Are you still there?’
I said, ‘Yeah!’
He screamed, ‘Stop calling me’.
I said, ‘Make me,’
He asked,’Who are you?’
I said,’My name is Don Hansen.’
He said, ‘Yeah? Where do you live?’
I said, ‘Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , a
yellow ranch style home and I have a black Beamer parked in front.’
He said, ‘I’m coming over right now, Don. And you had better start
saying your prayers.’

I said, ‘Yeah, like I’m really scared, asshole,’ and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.
He said, ‘Hello?’
I said, ‘Hello, asshole,’
He yelled, ‘If I ever find out who you are…’
I said,’You’ll what?’
He exclaimed,’I'll kick your ass,’
I answered,’Well, asshole, here’s your chance.I’m coming over right
now.’

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I
lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , and that I was on my way over
there to kill my gay lover.Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war
going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax .
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax .
I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out
of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and
surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.

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Funny Lawyer Jokes ~ Don’t Mess with Chinese

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A American lawyer and a Chinese are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The
lawyer is thinking that Chinese are so dumb that he could get over on them
easy…So the lawyer asks if the Chinese guy would like to play a fun game.

The China guy is tired and just wants to take a nap so he politely declines
and tries to catch a few winks. The American lawyer persists, and says that the game is a
lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay
me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you
$500, he says. This catches the Chinese guy’s attention and to keep the
American lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The American lawyer asks the first question. ‘What’s the distance from The Earth
to the Moon?’ The Chinese doesn’t say a word, reaches in his pocket
pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the American lawyer.

Now, it’s the Chinese guys turn. He asks the lawyer, ‘What goes up
a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?’ The American lawyer uses his
laptop and searches all references he could find on the Internet. He sends e-mails to
all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After one hour of searching he
finally gives up. He wakes up the Chinese and hands him $500. The Chinese
pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.

The American lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the Chinese up and
asks, ‘Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with
four?’

The Chinese reaches in his pocket, hands the American lawyer $5 and goes back to
sleep.

Moral of the story – Don’t mess with us Chinese.

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Funny Dictionary Definitions for Common Words

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CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man
multiplied by the
number present

ATOM BOMB:
An invention
to bring an end
to all
inventions

LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information
from the notes of the lecturer
to the notes of students
without passing through the minds
of either

POLITICIAN:
One who
shakes your hand
before elections
and your Confidence
Later

PESSIMIST:
A person
who says that
O is the last letter
in ZERO,
Instead of the first letter
in OPPORTUNITY

OPPORTUNIST:
A person
who starts taking bath
if he
accidentally falls
into a river

MISER:
A person
who lives poor
so that
he can die RICH!

PHILOSOPHER:
A fool
who torments himself
during life,
to be spoken of
when dead

BOSS:
Someone
who is early
when you are late
and late
when you are early

DIPLOMAT:
A person
who tells you
to go to hell
in such a way
that you actually look forward
to the trip

ETC:
A sign
to make others believe
that you know
more than
you actually do

OPTIMIST:
A person
who while falling
from EIFFEL TOWER
says in midway
“SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!”

ECSTASY:
A feeling when you feel
you are going to feel
a feeling
you have never felt before

DICTIONARY:
A place where divorce comes
before marriage

CRIMINAL:
A guy
no different
from the other,
unless he gets caught

COMMITTEE:
Individuals
who can do
nothing individually
and sit to decide
that nothing can be done
together

CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens
and everybody disagrees later on

CLASSIC:
A book
which people praise,
but never read

CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco
rolled in paper
with fire at one end
and a fool at the other!

COMPROMISE:
The art of dividing
a cake in such a way that
everybody believes
he got the biggest piece

FATHER:
A banker
provided by
nature

EXPERIENCE:
The name
men give
to their
Mistakes

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Queen Elizabeth of England with 11 Presidents of USA ..!!

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No one can break this world record,

The same Queen Elizabeth of England , with 11 presidents of USA ..!!

Queen Elizabeth with Barack Obama

Queen Elizabeth with George W. Bush

Queen Elizabeth with Bill Clinton

Queen Elizabeth with George Bush

Queen Elizabeth with Ronald Reagan

Queen Elizabeth with Jimmy Carter

Queen Elizabeth with Gerald Ford

Queen Elizabeth with Richard Nixon

Queen Elizabeth with John F. Kennedy

Queen Elizabeth with Dwight D. Eisenhower

Queen Elizabeth with Harry S. Truman

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Interesting Emails

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Why Nerd Win? Michael Jordan Vs Bill Gates Wealth

First Class, Second Class And No Class Students Jobs Later In Life

TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE:

THE FIRST CLASS,THE SECOND CLASS

AND

THE NO CLASS

Short Lawyer Jokes – from Disorder in the American Courts Book

Funny African Pictures Gallery – Only In Africa Funny Pictures

Company Christmas Bonus ~ Funny Christmas Email To Employees

Company X’mas Bonus

An employee asks his boss:

“Where do I go to collect my Bonus for this year?”

His boss says: ……….
“Come here ……….. and have a look!”

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

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Visit www.interestingemails.com for more funny chain email forwards

Simple Economics

Sly Anger Management Tip – How To Fix Some One

Funny Lawyer Jokes ~ Don’t Mess with Chinese

Funny Dictionary Definitions for Common Words

Queen Elizabeth of England with 11 Presidents of USA ..!!

Search

10 Most Emailed Interesting Emails

5 Most Commented Emails

Recent Comments

50 Most Viewed Emails

Interesting Sites

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10 Most Recent Emails

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TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE:

THE FIRST CLASS,THE SECOND CLASS

AND

THE NO CLASS

Company X’mas Bonus

An employee asks his boss:

“Where do I go to collect my Bonus for this year?” His boss says: ………. “Come here ……….. and have a look!” . . . . . . . . . . .

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Search

10 Most Emailed Interesting Emails

5 Most Commented Emails

Recent Comments

50 Most Viewed Emails

Interesting Sites

“Where do I go to collect my Bonus for this year?”

His boss says: ……….
“Come here ……….. and have a look!”

.

.

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Visit www.interestingemails.com for more funny chain email forwards