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walmart joke emails

Indian At Wal-Mart Job Interview Joke

O HAVE A LAUGH!

walmart joke emails

An Office Manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening.

 

After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified — an American, a Russian, an Australian and a Gujarati from India.

 

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

 

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, “What is the fastest thing you know?”

 

Dave, the American, replied, “A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There’s no warning that it’s on the way; it’s just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of.”

 

“That’s very good!” replied the interviewer.

 

“And now you sir?” he asked Vladimir, the Russian.

 

“Hmm… let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don’t know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know.”

 

“Excellent!” said the interviewer. “The blink of an eye, that’s a very popular cliché for speed.”
He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply.

 

“Well, out at my dad’s ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there’s a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on Yep, Turning on a LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.”

 

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. “It’s hard to beat the speed of light” he said.

 

Turning to Patel, the Guy from India, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Patel replied, (in his Gujju accent!) “Apter herring da 3 prebius ansers sir, et’s obius to me dat the fastest thing is DIARRHEA.”

 

“WHAT!?” said the interviewer, stunned by the response. The others were already giggling in their seats…

“Oh, I can expleyn sir,” said Patel.

“You see, sir, da ader day my tummy was pheeling bad and so I run so fast to the baatrum,, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I alredi done it !”

 

Patel is now the new “Office Manager” at Wal-Mart in Washington.

 

SEE ALSO

Mulla Nasruddin Jokes

Funny Lawyer Jokes

Fun Things To Do In Planes

 

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Chinese Speaking To A Chinese Telephone Operator

Chinese speaking to a Chinese telephone operator..

 

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

 

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me

 

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

 

Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?

 

Caller: I’m Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It’s urgent.

 

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what’s this urgent matter about?

 

Caller: Well… just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don’t have time for this!

 

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

 

Operator: I’m Saw Ree.

 

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!

 

Operator: That’s what I said. I’m Saw Ree

 

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Name Is The Game – Naming Children According To Parents Jobs!

It has been suggested that people should name their children according to their occupation or job. For instance:

Lawyer’s daughter: Sue

Thief’s son: Rob

Lawyer’s son: Will

Doctor’s son: Bill

Hair stylist’s son: Bob

Homeopathic doctor’s son: Herb

Justice of the peace’s daughter: Mary

Sound stage technician’s son: Mike

Gambler’s daughter: Bette

Iron worker’s son: Rusty

Sweeper’s son: Dustin

TV star’s daughter: Emmy

Movie star’s son: Oscar

 

(Author unknown)

 

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funny lawyer jokes

Short Lawyer Jokes – from Disorder in the American Courts Book

funny lawyer jokesThese funny lawyer jokes are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

 

LAWYER: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’

LAWYER: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan

_______________________________

LAWYER: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

____________________________________________

LAWYER: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there..

____________________________________________

LAWYER: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

LAWYER: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

_____________________________________

LAWYER: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.

LAWYER: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.

_________________________________

LAWYER: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

LAWYER: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget..

LAWYER: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________

LAWYER: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

____________________________________

LAWYER: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.

___________________________________________

LAWYER: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

_________________________________________

LAWYER: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

LAWYER: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Getting laid

____________________________________________

LAWYER: She had three children , right?

WITNESS: Yes.

LAWYER: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

LAWYER: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different Attorney. Can I get a new Attorney?

____________________________________________

LAWYER: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death..

LAWYER: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

___________________________________________

LAWYER: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard

LAWYER: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.

_____________________________________

LAWYER: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________

LAWYER: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

_________________________________________

LAWYER: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral…

_________________________________________

LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM

LAWYER: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished..

____________________________________________

LAWYER: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________

And last:

LAWYER: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

LAWYER: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

LAWYER: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No..

LAWYER: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

LAWYER: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

LAWYER: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

George Davey

 

Difference Between Girls & Boys

Boys are always Happy Creatures…WHY ?

 

1-Their last name stays with them forever,

 

2-Phone conversations last just for 30 secs flat,

 

3-A five day vacation requires only one jeans,

 

4-If someone forgets to invite them, he can still be their friend,

 

5-The same hairstyle lasts for years or even decades,

 

6-They can do shopping for 25 relatives in 25 minutes,

 

7-They don’t freak out when they go to a party n see another man wearing the same shirt, instead they become buddies.

 

Boys! Pass this to girls who can digest it..and To Men who’ll enjoy reading it…

And Girls, be happy with by checking the email forward called – difference between boys and girls Facebook profiles!