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1. We work weird (night) shifts…
Like prostitutes.
2. They pay you to make the client happy…
Like a prostitute.
3. The client pays a lot of money, but your employer keeps almost every penny…
Like a prostitute.
4. You are rewarded for fulfilling the client’s dreams…
Like a prostitute.
5. Your friends fall apart and you end up hanging out with people in the same profession as
you…
Like a prostitute.
6. When you have to meet the client you always have to be perfectly groomed…
Like a prostitute.
7. But when you go back home it seems like you are coming back from hell…
Like a prostitute.
8. The client always wants to pay less but expects incredible things from you…
Like a prostitute.
9. When people ask you about your job, you have difficulties to explain it…
Like a prostitute.
10. Everyday when you wake up, you say: “I’m not going to spent the rest of my life doing
this.”
Like a prostitute ……..
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Applications are invited for the following post.
The package and incentives are mentioned below.
Designation : Junior girl friend ( Trainee)
Experience : Must have ditched at least 2 guys
(Fresher with excellent credentials will be considered)
Other requirement : Should have the Potential to do street
Bargaining and fight if required.
Height, weight, complexions no bar,
But is subjective.
***********
Perks and incentives:
Total gross ( Monthly ) :
2 gifts worth not exceeding Rs. 1000/-(no precious metals, stones)
10 bike rides each duration 1 hour
5 trips to National Highways
5 Trips to Hanuman Mandir / Isckon Temple
10 Kulfis / Chocobars at a regular gap of 3 days
Daily Provision of Samosa / Bread Pakoda / Bhel worth Rs. 10 /-
2 movies ( Family movies only ) per month (on weekends)
Visits to Shopping Malls and BARISTA every Weekend (On your own expense)
A Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to demand will be gifted, subject to finance availability and t o the size available with the shopkeeper.
Net Deductions ( Monthly ) : Affair Fund and un-professional taxes will Be informed on joining
The probation period is 6 months, after which confirmation (with Promotion to fulltime Girlfriend)
***********
Pleaze NOTE:
1. Only females.
2. Girls who left in the last 2 months need not apply.
3. Ex-girlfriends will be eligible only if they agree to the above mentioned conditions.
***********
There is more:
For girls who are not eligible, can take advantage of the referral program by referring their friend, colleagues etc.
Candle light or Tube light dinner will be given on every referral, even if candidate is not selected.
Search,,,,,, , never ends!!
Interested candidates can send their resume with Subject :
Name/fresher- exp/age.
Photo must be in attachment.
To the email address via mail
Note: Applications without photo will be rejected
APPLICANTS WHO HAD APPLIED EARLIER NEED NOT APPLY AND MALE CAN INFORM ABOUT THIS OPENING TO THEIR GIRLFRIEND ALSO.
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Wonderful definitions for designations at office:
1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
2) Software Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.
5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don’t need a man or woman; they’ll produce a child with zero resources.
7) Documentation Team thinks they don’t care whether the child is delivered, they’ll just document 9 months.
 Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.
9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby.
10) HR is a person who thinks that a donkey can deliver a human baby if given 9 months
~ www.interestingemails.com ~ To read, enjoy & forward emails ~
Any software engineer/developer out there is this true in your office?
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You have two choices
Jerry is the manager of a restaurant. He is always in a good mood.
When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would always reply:
“If I were any better, I would be twins!”
Many of the waiters at his restaurant quit their jobs when he changed jobs, so they could follow him
around from restaurant to restaurant
Why?
If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was always there, telling him how to look on the positive side of the situation.
Because Jerry was a natural motivator.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him:
“I don’t get it! No one can be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?”
Jerry replied, “Each morning I wake up and say to myself, I have two choices today. I can choose to be in a good mood or I can choose to be in a bad mood.
I always choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be victim or I can choose to learn from it. I always choose to learn from it.
Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I always choose the positive side of life.”
“But it’s not always that easy,” I protested.
“Yes it is,” Jerry said.
“Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk every situation is a choice.
You choose how you react to situations.
You choose how people will affect your mood.
You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood.
It’s your choice how you live your life.”
Several years later,
I heard that Jerry accidentally did something you are never supposed to do in the restaurant business.
He left the back door of his restaurant open
And then in the morning, he was robbed by three armed men.
While Jerry trying to open the safe box, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination.
The robbers panicked and shot him.
Luckily, Jerry was found quickly and rushed to the hospital.
After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.…
I saw Jerry about six months after the accident.
When I asked him how he was, he replied, “If I were any better, I’d be twins.Want to see my scars?”
I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place.
“The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door,” Jerry replied.
“Then, after they shot me, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or could choose to die. I chose to live.”
Jerry continued, “The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine.
But when they wheeled me into the Emergency Room and I saw the expression on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared.
In their eyes, I read
„He’s a dead man..
I knew I needed to take action.”
“What did you do?” I asked.
“Well, there was a big nurse shouting questions at me,” said Jerry. “She asked if I was allergic to anything.”
‘Yes,’ to bullets, I replied.
Over their laughter, I told them: “I am choosing to live. Please operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.”
“Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude.
I learned from him that every day you have the choice to either enjoy your life or to hate it.
The only thing that is truly yours -that no one can control or take from you –is your attitude, so if you can take care of that, everything else in life becomes much easier.
Now you have two choices to make:
1. You can delete this message or
2. You can forward it to someone you care about.
I hope you will choose #2.
I did.
To read, enjoy & share Interesting Email Forwards www.interestingemails.com Is Always With You.
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A successful business man was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business.
Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together.
He said, ‘It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you. ‘The young executives were shocked, but the boss continued. ‘I am going to give each one of you a SEED today – one very special SEED. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO.’
One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed. Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow.
Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew.
Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing.
By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn’t have a plant and he felt like a failure.
Six months went by — still nothing in Jim’s pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn’t say anything to his colleagues, however. He just kept watering and fertilizing the soil – He so wanted the seed to grow.
A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection.
Jim told his wife that he wasn’t going to take an empty pot. But she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right. He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful — in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him!
When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives.
Jim just tried to hide in the back. ‘My, what great plants, trees, and flowers you have grown,’ said the CEO. ‘Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!’
All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the Financial Director to bring him to the front. Jim was terrified. He thought, ‘The CEO knows I’m a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!’
When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed – Jim told him the story.
The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, ‘Behold your next Chief Executive Officer!
His name is Jim!’ Jim couldn’t believe it. Jim couldn’t even grow his seed.
‘How could he be the new CEO?’ the others said.
Then the CEO said, ‘One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead – it was not possible for them to grow.
All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new Chief Executive Officer!’
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- If you plant honesty, you will reap trust
- If you plant goodness, you will reap friends
- If you plant humility, you will reap greatness
- If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment
- If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective
- If you plant hard work, you will reap success
- If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation
So, be careful what you plant now; it will determine what you will reap later.
‘Whatever You Give To Life, Life Gives You Back’
~ To Read, Enjoy & Forward ~ www.interestingemails.com ~
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One must read small touching story mainly for professionals…
A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.
SON: “Daddy, may I ask you a question?”
DAD: “Yeah sure, what is it?” replied the man.
SON: “Daddy, how much do you make an hour?”
DAD: “That’s none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?”
the man said angrily.
SON: “I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?”
DAD: “If you must know, I make Rs.100 an hour.”
SON: “Oh,” the little boy replied, with his head down.
SON: “Daddy, may I please borrow Rs.50?”
The father was furious, “If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish.. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior.”
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.
The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy’s questions.
How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think: Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that Rs..50 and he really didn’t ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy’s room and opened the door. “Are you asleep, son?” He asked.
“No daddy, I’m awake,” replied the boy.
“I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier” said the man.
“It’s been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here’s the Rs.50 you asked for.”
The little boy sat straight up, smiling. “Oh, thank you daddy!” He yelled.
Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.
“Why do you want more money if you already have some?” the father grumbled.
“Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do,” the little boy replied.
“Daddy, I have Rs.100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?
Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.”
The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.
It’s just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts.
Do remember to share that Rs.100 worth of your time with someone you love.
If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days.
But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family.
Regards,
Read, Enjoy & Forward Interesting Facts and emails @ www.interestingemails.com
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A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present..
The next day he went to the pet shop and saw three identical parrots in a cage.
He asked the clerk, “how much for the parrot on the right?
The owner said it was Rs. 2500.
“Rs. 2500.”, the man said. “Well what does he do?
“He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk.
“He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters.”
The man then asked what the second parrot cost.
The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000, but is an expert computer programmer.
Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.
The clerk replied, “Rs. 10,000.”
Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this bird’s specialty was.
The clerk replies, “Well to be honest I haven’t seen him do anything.
But the other two call him *”BOSS”!!
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A Jobless man applied for the position of ‘office boy’ at Microsoft.
The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.
‘You are employed’ he said. Give me your e-mail address and I’ll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start.
The man replied ‘But I don’t have a computer, neither an email’.
‘I’m sorry’, said the HR manager. If you don’t have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn’t exist, cannot have the job.’
The man left with no hope at all.
He didn’t know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60.
The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled everyday.
Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.
5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US.
He started to plan his family’s future, and decided to have a life insurance.
He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan.
When the conversation was concluded the broker asked him his email.
The man replied,’I don’t have an email.’ The broker answered curiously, ‘You don’t have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an e mail?!!’ The man thought for a while and replied, ‘Yes, I’d be an office boy at Microsoft!’
Moral of the story
Moral 1
Internet is not the solution to your life.
Moral 2
If you don’t have Internet, but work hard, you can be a millionaire.
Moral 3
If you received this message by interesting email forwards, you are closer to being an
office boy/girl, than a millionaire……….
P.S – Do not forward this email back to me, I am closing my interesting email account & going to sell tomatoes!!!
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The Developer’s Song for Project Managers and Consultants
(Sing to the tune of Celine Dion’s Because You Loved Me)
Because You Told Me
For all the bugs I had to fix
For all those hours spent after six
For all those specs I had to read
For every thing you made me speed
For every change you made me do
For every time you blamed me too
I’ll be forever thankful baby
You’re the one who worked me up
Never let me go
You’re the one who pushed me through it all
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ‘coz you believed
I did everything I did,
Because you told me
You gave me timelines that made me cry
I had no choice but to tell you lies
I lost my mind, you brought it back to me
You said no client was out of reach
You stood by me, I took the fall
I used your plan for toilet roll
I’m grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don’t know that much
But I know this much is true
I did everything because you told me to
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ‘coz you believed
I did everything I did,
Because you told me
I did everything I did,
Because you told me…
This one goes to those ‘special developers’ – we just want to say ‘Adoh’
Adoh! (sung to the tune of ‘Hello’ by Lionel Richie)
I’ve been testing this issue
With my mind
And in my dreams you’ve fixed this bug
A thousand times
I sometimes see you
Pass outside my floor
Adoh!
Yes it’s you I’m looking for!
I can see it in your code
I can see it using TOAD
A fix is all I’ve wanted
But you’ve made the thing implode
Because you should know just what to fix
But you’re up to your old tricks
And I want to tell you so much
PLEASE fix issue 16006
I long to see the CR accepted over there
And I tell you time and time again
How much Tony cares
Sometimes I feel my head will just explode
Aiyo!
This CR has to go
Sometimes I wonder where you are
And I wonder what the hell you do
Are you somewhere feeling crazy?
Or is someone coding for you?
Tell me how to make you work
For I haven’t got a clue
But let me start by saying; build CR 222
This is a true song dual that happened at MIT (Millenium IT – A Leading Software Company in the world for Stock Exchange software based in India and Sri Lanka) . The developer’s song was written by Hasitha Liyanage. The consultant’s song below was by Gehan (one of the ATS consultants)
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Our Company HR manager sent this email about Mobile Phone Etiquette…
Mobile Phone Etiquette
The Mobile Phone has become an absolute essential in the present day
context. But how many of you know how to use the mobile phone without
causing a nuisance to the others?
1. The ring tone and the volume- The ring tone should be a decent one to
suit the environment that you are in and the volume should be at a minimal.
Some of you love to have a personalized ring tone, such as songs, music and
other sounds. However such ring tones should not be a one which annoys and
irritates other people around you. If you are a professional, working in an
office/company, ensure that your ring tone is suitable to your work place
and your position.
2. How to answer- If you are, at an official meeting/interview, at the
cinema, theatre, attending a conference/workshop/seminar keep your mobile
phone on silence/vibrate mode or switch it off completely. Do not disturb
the others by taking calls or answering calls during such time. If you are
inside a lift/elevator, inside a bus/train or with strangers in a public
place or inside a restaurant or a shopping mall, make your conversations
very short and speak in a soft manner so as not to let the others listen to
your entire conversation. While you may believe it is good for your image
for the others to listen to your conversation and to let them know as to who
you are talking with, people are not interested in listening to your private
conversations and it is a nuisance to them.
3. Conversations should not disturb the others- In any manner your
private conversations should be done in private. There is no need for the
others to be a part of your private conversations with your loved ones.
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